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The heaving, yet silent cries tearing fro ache inside ofaround in the holloalls that were once my chest

My head and neck were soaked from their tears as wails of the word "Mommy" filledand swaying into each other, like we rode painful torrents of heartache The blinding pain inside of ; it overshadowed the grief tenfold

"I love you, babies," I whispered when I ran out of tears

"I love you too Can we go hos?" Jules asked and wiped her little chubby cheeks She was so hed and wiped oing to be as bad as uarantee they would be spared the details

We sniffled and s the whole ride home I parked the van in the driveway and looked at ood life I was grateful at least all of that would still be there… our life that we built together We were two crazy nant and then ainst all of the odds that everyone believed would destroy oura housewife

We had been cocky in our ability to ; it had been easy

Of course, that was because it was a façade

His sone forever, but it still broke my heart every time I saw it in my mind The fake him with the fake smile would have to live on in our children My heart was no longer going to allow him to take up space

I had to shut hiether

I cliear against the other door Hoould I afford it all? Theto have to last the year until Jules started school full-ti

I stared at the gear and shook ette, swi and hockey Two kids who played two sports a season It never felt like too much before, but that was before I needed time scheduled for my daily dose of self-pity and a nap I closed the van and added it to the list of shit I still didn’t have a plan for, which was everything I wasn’t going to make it past his funeral, I was sure of that

My ed Jules and rubbed Mitch’s head She was odsend I wished Dad were there for the second I had to watch theentle, but they looked worried She nodded at me, "There is a man in the office A Mr Wilkes He was Jaed inwardly I didn’t want to see anyone I wanted a hot bath and a glass of red and to be left with my tears and my plans

"I don’t know a Mr Wilkes," I said softly

"Well, he’s in the office I’ll make them some supper" She pulled the kids in the house and shed and walked away, "Worry about the important stuff, Evie" She walked into the kitchen and startednoise The kid’s spoke to her about their day, she s normal

I placed my coat down and walked down the hall to the office I sed and opened the door to the study An older ers to his lips, like he was pretending to scratch, "Mrs Evans, it’s so nice to see you again"

I didn’t understand, but I went along with it and nodded, "Yes How are you?" The question felt forced and aard I hadn’t played this gaht of it e in my hands He leaned in and whispered softly, "Meet me outside in five e Leave it in here"

My stomach sunk

He pulled back and spoke in a loud voice, "Everything you need is in the package; the instructions are there Everything is explained Have a nice evening" He nodded and walked from the room He was the first person not to tell me he was sorry for my loss

He closed the door and I took a deep breath I looked around the roo for, who he was, and what on earth I was holding? Was I being brought back in? Could they do that? Could I do it? It would solve my money issues, but I needed to be a hed and sat in the chair behindthey wanted

His whispering and telling ed I could only assuht back in