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"Of course I have nightht?"

"No"

"Most nights?"

A pause "No"

"But a lot?"

I shrug and look away I’m in Mr Mauch’s office Misery Mauch-the school counsellor He holds court a few ti with homework, peer pressure, pushy parents Normal kids with normal proble down for a warts’n’all session with me

Why wouldn’t he? Everyone here knows the Grubbs Grady story-parents and sister slaughtered in front of hi months locked up in a nuthouse ("incarcerated in a facility for the temporarily disturbed," Misery puts it) came to Carcery Vale to live in a spooky old house with his uncle Dervish that uncle lost his marbles soon after Grubbs played nurse for a year until he recovered went to a movie set with Dervish and his friend Bill-E Spleen ic deaths of hundreds of people when a disastrous fire burnt the set to the ground

With a history like that, I’ within a hundred kilometre radius!

"Would you like to tell me about your dreams, Grubitsch?" Misery asks

"No"

"Are you sure?"

I feel like laughing but don’t Misery’s har around his se problems day after day, year after year If I was in his shoes, I’d be itching to get my hands on a juicily messed-up student like me too

"Grubitsch?" Misery prods after a few seconds of silence

"Hht help A problem shared is a problem halved"

I alain I hold ue I’d ruin Misery’s day if I cut hiht reduce him to tears

"They’re notto wind the session down I’ physics and I quite like that subject

"Please, Grubitsch, call me William"

"Sorry, sir-I , as if he’s ht away," he presses gently "If you told me, perhaps we could find a way to stop them"

"I don’t think so," I respond, a bit sharper than Iabout stuff which is way over his head I don’tinterest inlike a second-rateto draw out my secrets

"I didn’the’s overstepped the mark

"To be honest, sir," I say stiffly, "I don’t think you’re qualified to discuss matters like this"

"No, no, of course not," Misery agrees, his features sorrowing up "I don’t want to pretend to be soave that iht, if you were in theOf course it’s not my I’m under no illusion as you say, I’m not qualified to" He mutters to a halt

"Don’t have a breakdown," I laugh, feeling guilty "It’s no biggie I just don’t want to talk about ulps, nods briskly, then says I can go Tells me he’ll be back next week but won’t ask to seespace Maybe in a ain, to "shoot the breeze"

I hesitate at the door, not wanting to leave him on such a down note-his head’s bowed over his notes and he looks like he’s fighting back sniffles

"Mr Mau-William" He looks up curiously "Next time, if you want, you can call me Grubbs"

"Grubbs?" he repeats uncertainly

"It’s what my friends call hts up like he’s won the jackpot

I slip out,a smile School counsellors-child’s play!

Lunch Loch wants to knohat I was talking with Misery about

"The size of your brain," I tell him "We wondered how small it was"

"Don’t worry about the size of my brain," Loch snorts "My brain’s fine A lot healthier than your pea of a think-tank"

"How big is a brain?" Charlie asks Everyone stares at him "Ihis skull, searching for soft spots

"In your case, I doubt it," Loch says "You’ve probably got enough ehter all round Even Charlie laughs He’s used to being the butt of our jokes He doesn’t ht-hearted Everyone likes Charlie Rail He’s too nice to get vicious on

Six of us, sheltering fro the football quad The usual pack of barbarians are kicking the life out of a tired old ball-and each other-on the quad, oblivious to the rain

My group-me, Loch, Charlie, Frank, Leon and Mary Loch and I stand a head or est pair of lunks in our school, which is what drew us to each other in the first place Loch’s a wrestler He wanted me to be his partner, so he beca’s nothing like the stuff on TV, very calculated and unspectacular-but he eventually persuaded et a real kick out of it, but to keep Loch happy I travel to a few et down’n’sweaty on the mats

"I think Misery’s sexy in an older-man kind of way," Mary says to a chorus of astonished jeers and catcalls

"You’ve got the hots for Mauch?" Leon gasps, faking a heart attack

"No," Mary says coolly "I just think he’s sexy I bet women are all over hihter dies away and the five testosteronetastic guys in the group look at each other uncertainly It’s not soe know a hell of a lot more about the adult world than we do Adults operate differently It’s easy to tell the winners and losers in school, the cools and geeks But the world beyond is puzzlesome Professional sportsmen are obviously cool, as are actors, pop stars, etc But what about noruys? What makes an ordinary man attractive to a woman? I don’t know But if Misery Mauch has it, we could all be in trouble later on By their frowns, I know the others are thinking exactly the sa to cood, Reni and Shannon stroll up, ar at so the boys," Mary says, "how sexy Mr Mauch is"

"Williahtfully "He’s a dish"

"William?" Loch barks at his sister