Page 9 (1/2)

Chapter 9

For a while, it looked like I was off the hook, but of course it turned out that rong

Not long after an off to prison The judge, he thowed the book at the ole law book, hit Bozosky square in the head Next day, a knock come at my door Standin there o military police in shiny black helmets with billy clubs an armbands

"You PFC Gump?" one says

"That’swith us, account of you is AWOL from the United States Army"

"AWOL," I says "How can that be? I was in jail!"

"Yeah," he says, "we know all about that But your hitch runs two ned up for with Colonel North We been lookin for you everplace until we seen you in the newspapers in this Bozosky trial"

The MP hands me a copy of the New York Post, which reads:

Dullard Rats out on High-Rolling Financial Men

A man with an IQ described as "in the low 70s" yesterday finked on two of this newspaper’s thy prison terms

Forrest Gu "due in Manhattan that in his capacity as president of the insider trading division of Bozosky Enterprises, he had absolutely no knowledge of any insider trading at the company

Gump, who has had an apparently checkered career as an encyclopedia salesineer, and soovernment, was not immediately available for comment He was not convicted in the trial, which lasted several weeks

"So what you gonna do with onna put you in the stockade till they figger out somethin," the MP says About this tioin on

"Who’s this?" the MP ast "This your boy?"

I didn’t say nothin, an neither did little Forrest He just glared at the MPs

"You give onna run off or nothin"

"Yeah, I reckon that’d be okay We’ll be outside here - Just don’t do nothin funny"

Fact was, funny was not on my mind at this moment I shut the door an set little Forrest down on the sofa

"Look," I says, "theo with eet a bus back home an be ready to start school when it opens Okay?"

The little guy was statin at his shoes an not lookin at me, but he nodded his head

"I’m sorry about this," I says, "but that’s just the way things go soain

"Look," I tole hionna try to work soonna keep htened out, an then we’ll ot a lot of great plans, don’t you?"

"Well, I er I’ve had s start to break good"

He gets up an goes back to his room to start packin At the door, he turn aroun an looks at me for the first tiet out of the slammer, you look ht"

An so I gone on with the MPs, feelin pretty low an pretty alone Little Forrest is a good-lookin, sain

Well, just like the MPs said, e got back to Washington, they putafore they coot there, I done sent a note to Colonel North, say I think I’ettin a raw deal here Couple of months later, he stops by the stockade

"Sorry about that, Guer in the Marine Corps, an I’m pretty busy these days watchin out for some of the Ayatolja’s friends who say they want to kill me Besides, I’m thinkin about runnin for the US Senate I’ll show them bastids what contempt really is"

"Well, Colonel," I says, "that is all very nice, but what about et for ress," he says "See you aroun the stockade" An then he bust out laughin "You knohat I mean?"

Anyhow, after a few more months on bread an water, I am summoned to the post commander’s office

"Gump," he says, "you just stand at attention while I look over your files" After about half an hour, he says, "At ease," an leans back in his chair "Well, Gump, I see you have a very ressional Medal of Honor, and then you go over the hill Just what kind of crapola is that?"

"Sir, I didn’t go over the hill I was in jail"

"Yeah, well that’s just as bad If it was up to me, I’d have you cashiered today with a bad-conduct discharge But it seems some of the brass don’t cotton much to havin Medal of Honor winners booted out of the service Looks bad, I guess So we got to figger out what to do with you Got any suggestions?"

"Sir, if you let o on KP or somethin," I says

"Not on your life, Guht here in these files Says here that one time you blew up a steam boiler tryin to make a stew or so Nosiree - you ain’t going anywhere near a mess hall on my post"

Then he scratch his chin for a ot use for any troubleonna transfer your big ass as far away as I possibly can, an the sooner the better That is all"

An so I am transferred The commander, he was not kiddin about transferrinI know, I aned to a army weather station in Alaska - in January, no less But at least they begun payin ain, so’s I can send home some allotment money for little Forrest Matter of fact, I done sent nearly all onna spend it on up in Alaska? In January

"I see by your files, Gump, that you have had a somewhat checkered past in the service," says the lieutenant in charge of the weather station "Just keep your nose clean, an they won’t be any trouble"

In this, of course, he rong

It was so cold in Alaska that if you went outside an said somethin, your words would freeze themsefs in the air - an if you took a pee, it would wind up as a icicle

My job was sposed to be readin weather ered out I aive me the job of moppin the place clean an spit-shinin the toilets an so on On ot chased by a polar bear an another tiht

We was in a little ole town there by the ocean where all the people spent ettin drunk - Exkimos included The Exkiot drunk an had harpoon-thowin contests in the street Then, it could be dangerous to be out an about

One time after a couple of months, I ith soht I really didn’t o, but in fact I had not been anyplace , for the ride, so to speak

We got to a place called the Gold Rush Saloon an went inside They was all sorts of activity there - folks be drinkin an fightin an ga on the bar Sorta made me think of Wanda’s strip joint, down in New Orleans, an I figgered I probly should drop her a postcard so, little Forrest’s pet, an how she was doin, an then, of course, I got to thinkin about little Forrest hissef But since thinkin ain’t exactly one out into the street to buy little Forrest a present

It is about seven PM but the sun is shinin bright as can be up here near the North Pole, an all the stores is open Most of em, however, is saloons There wadn’t no departone on into a novelty shop where they is peddlin everthin frole feathers, but finally I seen what I wanted to get for little Forrest A genuine Alaska Indian tote ole ten-feet-tall totem poles, but it was about three feet, anyway, an was carved with eagle’s beaks an faces of stern-lookin Indians an bear’s paws an all, an painted pretty bright colors I ast the feller at the counter how runts I make a special price - one thousan, two hundrit, and six dollars"

"Damn," I says "What’d it cost before the discount?"

"For me to know an you to find out" was his reply

Well, anyhow, I stood there figgerin that it is gettin late an I don’t knohen I’et back into town an little Forrest probly need to hear fro down deep into ht the totem pole

"Could you ship it down to Mobile, Alabama?" I ast

"Sure, for another four hundrit dollars," he says Well, as I to argue? After all, we are within spittin distance of the top of the world, so’s I dug down again an coughed up the erin wouldn’t have nothin much to spend it on up here anyhow

I ast him if I could send a note with it, an he says, "Sure, but notes are another fifty bucks"