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Norman’s rueful expression blurs while the rest of the rooave him up when he was born because you believed that to be in his best interest’

I seal ave him up because I didn’t want hiave him away My relinquishment was no selfless act on my part – I just wanted my life back

‘The court will take that into consideration,’ he continues Overriding h his words echo through a can ‘Best-case scenario, we’re looking at four or five months –’

‘Four or fiveand I don’t care who hears or how I sound ‘I can’t leave him in that dirty, flea-infested place for o back home and leave hi a da cracks inside

Nor a box of tissues fro it atinto the chair next tohi a process here Look – ant them to be meticulous We want therandparents ant him, or aunts or uncles who’ve already started this process Maybe he’s weeks or days away fro along today, and why she installed herself in a chair right outside the office door That’s why she was so restrained thisno opinions about what Norht say She already knew, or at least suspected

‘You hat’s best for hiainst her like I had as a child How many times had I come to her when my own parents failed ht, felt or wanted But if River has grandparents or aunts or uncles, where the hell were those people when he was suffering?

And where was I? Partying, or shooting another insipid Life’s a Beach episode? A second wave of sobs washes over h face of rock against the tide

What’s best for my son is me

As if I’d said these words aloud, Kathryn says, ‘Even if what’s best for hiht now? Even if what’s best for hiht the landscape of my memory Graham The loss of his friendship and that sharp, buried pain in the centre of ht I as best for him, but really, I hadn’t cared as best for him

I’d wanted Graham because Grahah I see now – more clearly than ever – that I was not best for him I wasn’t what he wanted

I want to be what’s best for River But what if I’ht Press the tissue tight under each eye Clear e, but one shadowy fan-sube pops up on one of my fan sites, and within the hour, it’s on all of them, as is speculation about Dori John texts me the link

John: Word is out on your soooper-secret GF

Me: Is it ok to murder some of these people? What makes them think their stupid opinions about who I date matter to me?

John: Come on dude You’ve seen this a million times before Literally

Me: I know I just feel more protective of her

John: AWARE

Me: Yeah yeah I’d say I’uard?

Me: I hadn’t thought of that God, she would freak Can I do that without her knowing?

John: Probably But then she can’t tell hiht beat up so to her

Me: And that would be bad … right?

John: Sounds like a question for Lawyer Dad

When I show up for our second public date, I’ Dori’s street Not h to rattle Dori and her parents A rental van sits in the driveway, backed up to the garage and probably already loaded Her parents are driving her upstate to Berkeley tomorrow, and I’m not invited

‘They’ve always assue, h the tearful goodbyes – all that stuff – just the three of us,’ she told -of-ith the to assu her parents’ wishes out theisn’t in Dori’s The current stalemate is a fucked-up sort of compromise, but at this point – whatever works, works

‘How much do you trust me?’ I ask just before we head out of her front door