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On top of those worried about myin on Ash having sex, was Mason calling wondering why I had left without saying anything I listened to his es because I felt that I at least owed that to him I deserved to hear the hurt and heartbreak in his voice because I had selfishly deceived hi that it would cause him pain In his first voice, but by the fifth one, he was downright pissed He told ain, he didn’t have the time to put up withbetrayed and hating me I hated ht outside of Lubbock, I started calling everyone back to let them know that I was okay My parents see like a child and to return home immediately Evie’s parents were , but I assured the ho and Jess to let them know that I was okay, but that I needed some time to myself I sent Mason a text that siot a response I had nothing to say to Ash

Afterover the next several weeks, I ended up taking a se about the situation with Evie and gaveto re-apply Ian to see a therapist on a weekly basis and joined a support group for young adults who had lost a close friend or significant other In addition to grieving Evie’s death, I also found that I needed to take control and responsibility for , I had used other people as a crutch to make my decisions My parents had pushed that way of life upon me, but what I didn’t realize was that when I moved out, I had just replaced them with Evie It had taken months andprocess had reached a place where I felt co back to et oal of Evie’s and noed it to her, to both of us, to fulfill that drea up in the sa myself for rabbed otten a late start leaving et unpacked quickly so that I could shower and change I wanted to look ht I had no idea of what kind of reception I could expect

It was after ht when I finally pulled up to the fa lot was packed which I had assu back in town this week and everyone was looking to go out and party before school started up again I had not texted nor talked to either Ash or Mason since I had left I had changed my number within a week of the meltdown, so I wasn’t sure if either of theht ht months and I was nervous as hell to see either of them, much less both of them at the same time However, I knew they were both there, I saw Ash’s car when I pulled in and Mason’s bike was parked up by the door I knew there was a good chance that they were both probably there with someone else and I had vowed toto cause any problems I had come to say my piece and when I was finished, I would accept whatever response or reaction they had I had prepared iveat me about what a bitch I was Whatever happened, I knew that I needed to do this

I had hoped for a large crowd, it was easier to hide myself in all of the people I wanted to have a drink for a bit of liquid courage before going through with my plan I found a seat at the bar furthest away from where Mason and his crew usually sat next a couple of other girls I kept my eyes doard at the bar as I sipped my beer; I did not want to make eye contact with anyone in case it was soirl up on stage that I re out there She had a beautiful voice and was equally talented with the keyboard I knew that she was usually slotted close to the end of the lineup on openWhen she was finished, the announcer introduced the nextforward If I had thought I was prepared to see Ash again, I rong I sucked in a deep breath as a wave of elorious surf-buuevara shirt, and flip flops His hair still hung long and shaggy in his face and just looking at it made me want to push it back behind his ears

As always, Ash pulled a stool up on stage, he hated playing while standing up, andnext to me leaned over to her friend and said not so quietly, "Here we go again with butterfly boy"

Her friend gave her a questioning look, "What are you talking about? Is he gay? All the hot ones are always gay" She ay, stupid ass I call his that da and has that tattoo on his arm"

My head shot up and my eyes scanned his arms My stomach dropped to the floor when I saw the same tattoo that donned my left calf inked on his left forearot a chance to tell hi and it took everything in me to re foolishly

I took slow and steady breaths until I felt e drink of et drunk by anyhis voice again was another huge test of my will, and it ale and I saw hie next My eyes followed his heated stare and I found Mason returning the sentile step andfor hiain, "Now this is what I’ about That’s Rat," she explained to her friend "His brother owns this place and he’s like the rock god around here He’s the lead singer for Jobu’s Ruawked at the figure on the stage and it re me about Mason the first time I was there "He’s… ," the friend finally responded

"I knoait until you hear his voice You’re going to need a new pair of panties when you leave here," the first girl said matter-of-factly

I couldn’t takeI had left hi in his bed He had on a black t-shirt with a pair of jeans and his black boots My heart had stopped when I first saw Ash, but the sight of Mason hadas he adjusted the microphone He always stood when he performed which reminded me of just another way he was so different from Ash I held on to the bar to physically braceHouston! Are y’all having a good tiirls next to e at any ht and I know thatready to head back to school, so let’s ain frenzied screaht, tonight I’le" He looked over in the direction that I was sitting and I swore that he stared straight into my eyes for a brief irl who had screahed "I love all of y’all too"

During his first song, I had to doexercises and continue to think about the last eight ivethat three minute period When he finished, everyone in the bar ild "Thank you guys," he interrupted the applause "Thank you Okay this next one I’ve never perfor that’s a few years old I actually ran across it again a couple of o and it couldn’t have been at ait for…" His voice trailed off for a uess it really doesn’tit for, that day will never coht it’s for all of you!"

Where I felt that Ash’s words were going to breakin his words, filled every one ofholes and made me feel complete I suddenly felt more determined than ever to do what I had come to do I slipped off of my barstool and headed around the perimeter of the warehouse I wanted to re and allowed the crowd to reward him with cheers and whistles He leaned his acoustic on an ae and jumped down to head towards his friends

I took a deep breath and re that I had discovered about love and respect and dignity over the last several months Unrequited love was basically just infatuation, and that was exactly what I had with Ash for so long Love was about sacrifice and putting the wants and needs of the other person in front of your own Ash was never willing to do that for me Other than the times that Ash and I had spent locked away from the real world, our relationship was tuthings to purposely keepand if he thought I was getting too far away from him, too close to someone else, he would reel me back in I knew that Ash cared about me, but he didn’t love me He loved himself too much to love anyone else Mason, on the other hand, was the exact opposite He went out of his way to h and wasn’t afraid to put hiot upset with Mason, not once And despite all that, I had allowed my infatuation and fascination with Ash, soet in the way of that It was tie and walked towards the front, grabbing Mason’s acoustic on the way "Excuse me everyone," my voice was shaky and unsureA few people took notice of et the attention of the person I wanted it from the most It only took a minute or so as the collective voice lowered and dropped to hushed whisper Then I hear soel," and instantly the place got silent