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Prologue

I hate my left hand I hate to look at it I hate it when it stutters and treone But I look at it anyway; because it also re fro to kill the boy who killedto do it with my left hand

CHAPTER 1

Nastya

Dying really isn’t so bad after you’ve done it once

And I have

I’m not afraid of death anymore

I’ else

August in Florida s: heat, oppressive humidity, and school School I haven’t been to school in over two years Not unless you count sitting at the kitchen table being home-schooled by your mom, and I don’t It’s Friday My senior year starts on Monday, but I haven’t registered If I don’t go in today, I won’t have a schedule on Monday , and I’ll have to wait at the office for one I think I’d rather skip the bad 80’s movie scene where I walk in late on the first day and everybody has to stop what they’re doing to stare atthat would ever happen to me, it would still suck

My aunt pulls into the parking lot of Mill Creek Coh school Except for the putrid color of the walls and the nan, it’s an exact replica of the last one I attended Margot‌—‌she made me drop the aunt part because itthe entire way here Thankfully it’s a short ride, because loud sounds y It’s not the sound itself that bothers me; it’s just the fact that it’s loud The loud sounds make it impossible to hear the soft ones and the soft sounds are the ones you have to be afraid of I can handle it now because we’re in a car, and I usually feel safe in cars Outside is a different story I never feel safe outside

“Your ot tells et In the sches, a phone call is not et one “You could at least text her Four words Registered All is well If you’re feeling really generous, you could even throw one of those little happy faces on the end”

I look sideways at her froer sister by a good ten years She is the opposite of my mother in almost every way She doesn’t even look like her which means that she doesn’t look like ot is dirty blond with blue eyes and a perpetual tan that she easilythe day; even though she’s a nurse and she should know better I have pale white skin, dark brown eyes, and long, wavy, just-this-side-of-black hair She looks like she belongs in a Coppertone ad I look like I belong in a coffin People would have to be stupid to believe we’re related, even if it is one of the only things about me that’s true

She’s still got that cocky s that even if she hasn’t convinced me to placate uilt It’s iot, even when you really, really try, which makes me hate her a little, because I’ll never be one of those people She took o, but because I don’t have anywhere else I can stand to be Luckily for her, she really only has to see , because once school starts, we’ll rarely ever be ho in a sullen, bitter, teenage girl with raphic is at the center of the vision board for a single woman in her early thirties I wouldn’t do it, but then I’ood person Maybe that’s why I ran like hell from the people who love me the most If I could be alone, I would Gratefully I’d rather be alone than have to pretend I’ivewith someone who at least doesn’t love ot Not that I tell her this Not that I tell her anything I don’t

When I walk in, the , copiers running, voices everywhere There are three lines leading up to the front counter I don’t knohich one to get into so I pick the one closest to the door and hope for the best Margot sweeps in behind me and immediately pulls me around the side, past all of the lines, and up to the receptionist She’s lucky I saw her co, or the second her hand was on round with my knee in her back