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Prologue

“You know you don't have to do this Don't get on that bus just 'cause your Ma here This is your home Always has been”

“And in ot it in her onna look out for her No one but ot, and vice versa”

“She's not all you got You got me, Bex You know that”

She was gonna cry again And Bex hated crying Her daddy raised her to be tough, and tough girls didn't cry Not even when they were standing in front of the boy they were daoodbye

“Come back, then, Bex,” Cross kept at it He was as stubborn as she was “Proet your sweet ass back here”

He was srab her in both hands, squeezing 'til she squealed Her hands landed on his chest, fingers spread across his t-shirt, under his cut Underneath the shirt, she knew, he wore a brand, the sa her dahter There was no time for bitterness now Precious minutes That was all they had She could be bitter on the bus

“Fine,” she sighed “I pro me!”

Because that's what it was, in his ar ainst her curves His shaved head, fuzzy to the touch Blue eyes like daggers The shadow of a beard, scratchy as it brushed her cheek Good lord, no one had the right to look like that, to feel like that Neverfrom the bad side of town

It was Bex's side of town, too

There'd be no Cross in Arkansas, Bex was sure No, there'd never be another Cross Couldn't possibly be He leaned in, covered her mouth with his He tasted of licorice, and smoke Sether

She pushed at his chest, broke away; too oodbye was too da up beside him in the tattooed arms of the Dead Crusaders Motorcycle Club Her boon co, bad, boyfriend

She'd given him every first That su one She'd let hi pain, felt hi her up like the rarest orchid in the world

And now they said goodbye Another first An awful first

Since there wasn't enough time in the world to ease the pain, Bex wanted it to be over

Shit The tears were co She couldn't stop them And he couldn't see them; that, at least, she wouldn't allow She'd let hi else, let him force her to ed, but she wouldn't let hi ar until all he had was her hand twined in his, their ar the distance between them

Cathy s with dead eyes at her daughter She ground the cigarette out andup onto the Greyhound Bex closed her eyes and felt two fat, wet tears slide down her cheeks

“Bex,” his voice sounded like it came from another world A better world

“I gotta go, Cross,” she o, their fingers uncurling, the line between them finally broken

Broken for now, she told herself as she followed her lad for the aisle seat She didn't want to look out thatand see hi there, and she knew she wouldn't be able to resist if she sat beside theOnly broken for now You'll come back to him, you have to, love like this doesn't die that easy

“He's just a fuckin' boy,” Cathy gruh he'll be a fuckin' ood Ain't no man is worth nothin' but a heap of laundry and a pile of heartbreak You trust irl Your father was the best of 'em, and even he done and fucked me over seven ways from Sunday”

Bex felt nu out with a rattling orange bottle She uncapped it, shook out four white pills She popped three of them into her mouth, and held the last one out to Bex Cathy didn't even need water to chase her pills anymore

“Special treat, bein' that the ride is gonna be a long'un, and seein' as how you look like you got a heartache the size of this here Greyhound But don't you let me catch you sneakin' it any other time, you hear e when”

Cathy's voice trailed off and she coughed to cover the story she couldn't finish Bex stared at the little white pill, then watched as her fingers drifted up and plucked it fro as she slipped it between her lips, taking a swig from her water bottle to help it down her throat

Just this once, she said, because the ache in her heart was so great she felt like it was chewing her up, getting her ready to be sed and digested I won't end up like Mama I promise, I won't end up like Mama Cross isn't like Daddy Cross ait for otta be patientwe just gotta be goodwe'll find each other again, sooner than I think

The bus ruhed, and a squeal of tires announced the beginning of their journey Bex said goodbye to Cutter, Missouri, slouched down in her seat, waited for the drug to kick in, if it ever would Then, soon after, when it did kick in, she could still feel her heartache, as fresh as ever

She closed her eyes and wondered if it would ever go away

She closed her eyes and kind of hoped it wouldn't

Bex

“Tessa!”

She wasn't listening Of course she wasn't listening And even if she was, she probably couldn't hearloud

“Tessa! Tessa!”

Finally She opened her eyes halfway, her pupils wide as dinner plates She looked down, all around, finally found me She offered a lazy shs wide, knees nearly parallel Green bills fluttered onto the stage

“Honey bunny,” she slurred, whipping her brown hair over one shoulder and dropping to her hands and knees She spun around so she was facing y thong “You bringin' ift?”

She reached out for one of the shots onit away She pouted and drew back like a little girl whose hand got slapped reaching for a cookie

“Johnny's on the warpath,” I said “And you need to get off the stage, right now, or he's gonna know you got high before work”

“Bullshit,” Tessa said, but her voice was flat She wiggled her ass, lifting it so she was in a sort of perverted doard dog position The e and dropped a fiver on the stage

“Tessa, you're about as sober as Janis Joplin on a bad day,” I hissed “Get yourto cover for you, and I'll tell Johnny you just received the red badge of courage”

“Janis Joplin? Baby, I'h a se

What?

I didn't have time to think about what Janis Joplin and lesbianisonna come in any second, and he could sive a shit about what his girls did

on their off ti no-no

Tessa's only chance ofoff immediately She could bla all over the stage If a girl started her period before her shift, she was expected to take care of it – but mid-dance? Totally excusable

“Tessa, I'irl?”

“Of course, baby,” Tessa crooned, rolling over onto her back and spreading her legs Thenot unlike zombies at an all-you-can-eat brain buffet Enticed, but not enough to actually bring any life into their eyes