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Chapter One—Not quite the end of me

"Mom…Jules spilled her juice"

I looked in the rearview for a second and clenched o away The thousands of obligations felt like they had doubled Nothing was ever going to be sain This wasn’t the plan, not that there had ever been one

I sighed and turned around "Mitch, clean it up for her," I said trying not to be angry She was five and my temper was short fused

He gave ave and rolled his eyes, "With what?" The shitty-tween attitude was the icing on the cake of doo force-fed

The traffic slowed, givingfor the sweaty towel, I still had not taken out of the van I flung it over the seat at him

"Jules, no spilling Mommy can't stop" I could, but I was scared of ould happen if I stopped the van and thought, for even a second Stopping had been bad, thinking had been worse

She sht face and nodded, "Uhmkay" It was more of a sound and less of a word, but she was five and sounds were still huge for her

Her bright-blue eyes, and the way she looked up at ht it on The tightening of the chest was first The tears were unstoppable Theas it actually was I was sure it was closing in on me

He hadn’t loved me That also hadn’t ever been part of the plan I knee had taken a risk getting married, but the fact he hadn’t loved me, never crossed my mind

My body pulled forward, as the need to rock filled me

My broken heart wouldn’t stay hidden er; it wouldn’t lettears fro atfelt like an avalanche of bad things, and all I could do atch, as they rolled down the hill and buried me

II swerved the van into alot on the side of the road and collapsed into the steering wheel The

No sounds escaped my lips The tears blinded me; at least the van was stopped

I heaved, but ht whi about to snap

"Mommy, you said you couldn’t stop," her squeaky voice broke the silence

I htly as I pressed the button for thethe van with fun and fast music

I shook for the second I needed and wiped my face Mitch never looked up fro her head to the htly

I was struggling to get soasps of air I wiped reed with my brain’s demand of alcohol I needed a drink

I needed so s… too many

I drove back toward the road in silence The song ended and when a new one caht-blue eyes caught mine He frowned, but I shookcould hide the breakdown, I was about to have Nothing would make any of it better I just needed to be alone and let the dam break

He had cheated our fa the music like a man, he had died He didn’t even have the consideration to let me find out, the way I deserved He had ossip He had made me a fool

The funeral ho lot and looked back at Mitch, "Be right back, okay?"

He nodded I locked the van and handed hi They too, were being ss

I walked up to the funeral home door where a man with dark hair and dull eyes answered the door, "Mrs Evans, I presume?"

I nodded He glanced back at the kids in the van and smiled It didn't improve the lifelessness in his dark stare, "They are more than welcome to come in"

I shook my head and walked past him, "Do you have an office that I can sit in aand watch them?"

He held a hand out, "Of course we do This way" I walked the way he was pointing and turned to the right, past the doorway