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But now the train was co

“Oh, Colie,” she said, and she pulledher face in the jet-black hair that had almost made her have a total breakdohen I ca “Please don’t be mad at me Okay?”

I hugged her back, even though I’d told myself I wouldn’t I’d pictured myself stony and silent as the train pulled out of the station, e she’d take with her on her European Summer FlyKiki Fitness Tour But I was the opposite of my mother, in more than just the fact that I always had bad intentions And that was as far as I got

“I love you,” she whispered as alked toward the train

Then takeback, wiping her eyes, and I knew if I said it the words would fall between us and just lie there, causing more trouble than they orth

“I love you too,” I said When I got toby the station door, her assistant still fidgeting beside her She waved, in all that purple, and I waved back, even as the lu in the back of my throat Then I put on my headphones, turned up my music as loud as I could, and closed my eyes as the train slipped away

It hadn’t always been like this

Inwhitein the front seat of our old Volaré station wagon in front of a 7-Eleven It is really, really hot, andof Fritos, and a box of Twinkies She’s wearing cowboy boots, red ones, and a short skirt, even though this is during e call the “Fat Years” Being obese—she topped out, at her worst, at about 325 pounds—never stoppedfads

She opens the car door and tosses in the loot, the bag of Fritos banking offand onto the floor

“Scoot over,” she says, settling her large forot half a day till Texas”

The rest oftoward me from different landscapes: flat, dry desert; thick Carolina pines; windy coastal roads fras stayed the same My mother and I were both fat It was usually not too far to the next place And ere always together, us against the world

The last of our stops was Charlotte, North Carolina, three years ago It’s the longest I’ve ever stayed in any one school It’s also where my mother became Kiki Sparks

Before, she was just Katharine, college dropout and as, peddled cemetery plots over the phone, sold Mary Kay cosed appointas ain But after a few days in Charlotte she applied for a job at a dry cleaner’s which she didn’t get and, in a fit of frustration, accidentally rear-ended a Cadillac in the parking lot Since ere flat broke, she talked the owner of the car, who ran a gy her work off the cost of the repairs She started by cleaning thephones, but after a feeeks the woave her a full-time job and a free membership A week earlier we’d been back to ketchup soup and ra in the back of the car; noe had a steady incos always seemed to work out at the last minute