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'Of course, Miss Butts' Miss Butts shuffled the papers 'Susan'

'Yes, Miss Butts?'

'I'm sorry to say that it appears you have been ain'

'I don't understand, Miss Butts' The headuely annoyed with herself, butthere was so frankly unlovable about the child Acade, of course, but that was just it; she was brilliant in the saes and chilliness 'Have you beendoing it?' she said 'You pro to stop this silliness'

'Miss Butts?'

'You've been ain, haven't you?' Susan blushed So, rather less pinkly, did Miss Butts I ainst all reason It's- oh, noShe turned her head and shut her eyes

'Yes, Miss Butts?' said Susan, just before Miss Butts said, 'Susan?' Miss Butts shuddered This was so else the teachers had mentioned Sometimes Susan answered questions just before you asked the there, are you?'

'Of course, Miss Butts' Ridiculous It wasn't invisibility, she told herself She just makes herself inconspicuous ShewhoShe concentrated She'd written a little ainst this very eventuality, and it was pinned to the file She read: You are interviewing Susan Sto Helit Try not to forget it 'Susan?' she ventured 'Yes, Miss Butts?' If Miss Butts concentrated, Susan was sitting in front of her If she el's voice She just had to fight against a pressing tendency to believe that she was alone 'I's have coed 'I'm always in class, Miss Butts'

'I dare say you are Miss Traitor and Miss Stamp say they see you all the tiuic and Maths and don't like Language and History?' Miss Butts concentrated There was no way the child could have left the rooestion of a voice saying, 'Don't know, Miss Butts'

'Susan, it is reallywhen-' Miss Butts paused She looked around the study, and then glanced at a note pinned to the papers in front of her She appeared to read it, looked puzzled for a moment, and then rolled it up and dropped it into the wastepaper basket She picked up a pen and, after staring into space for a moment, turned her attention to the school accounts Susan waited politely for a while, and then got up and left as quietly as possible Certain things have to happen before other things Gods play gaet all the pieces on the board, and look all over the place for the dice It was raining in the s in Llamedos Rain was the country's main export It had rain reen, more out of habit than any real hope that it would keep the rain off Water just dribbled through the spiky leaves and fors, so that it was really a sort of rain concentrator Occasional luhteen, extremely talented and, currently, not at ease with his life He tuned his harp, his beautiful new harp, and watched the rain, tears running down his face andwith the drops Gods like people like this It is said that whosoever the gods wish to destroy, they first ods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Ac, and doesn't take so long Susancorridors She wasn't particularly worried about what Miss Butts was going to think She didn't usually worry about what anyone thought She didn't knohy people forgot about her when she wanted them to, but afterwards they see the subject

So her This was fine She'd generally take a book into the classroom and read it peacefully, while all around her The Principal Exports of Klatch happened to other people It was, undoubtedly, a beautiful harp Very rarely a craftsine an improvement He hadn't bothered with ornae And it was nehich was very unusual in Llamedos Most of the harps were old It wasn't as if they wore out Sos - but the harp went on The old bards said they got better as they got older, although old ardless of daily experience I in the air, and faded The harp was fresh and bright and already it sang out like a bell What it inable His father had said it was rubbish, that the future ritten in stones, not notes That had only been the start of the row And then he'd said things, and he'd said things, and suddenly the world was a new and unpleasant place, because things can't be unsaid He'd said, 'You don't know anything! You're just a stupid oldreatest musician in the world!' Stupid words As if any bard cared for any opinions except those of other bards, who'd spent a lifeti how to listen to music But said, nevertheless And, if they're said with the right passion and the gods are feeling bored, sometimes the universe will reform itself around words like that Words have always had the power to change the world Be careful what you wish for You never knoill be listening Or what, for that h the universes, and a feords by the wrong person at the right moment may just cause it to veer in its courseFar away in the bustlingof sparks across an otherwise bare wall and thenthere was a shop An old musical instrument shop No-one remarked on its arrival As soon as it appeared, it had always been there Death sat staring at nothing, chinbone resting on his hands Albert approached very carefully It had continually puzzled Death in his more introspective moments, and this was one of them, why his servant alalked the saht, CONSIDER THE SIZE OF THE ROOMwhich went on to infinity, or as near infinity asfor a rooot rather flustered when he'd created the house Tis to be manipulated, not obeyed The internal diotten to er than the inside It was the saun to take a little s, he'd realized the role people seemed to think that colour played in concepts like, for example, roses But he'dIt ith everything, sooner or later The humans he'd known - and there had been a few - had responded to the inoring the door had opened, Albert had stepped through, carefully balancing a cup and saucerand a e of the relatively small

square of carpet that surrounded Death's desk Death gave up wondering how Albert covered the intervening space when it dawned on hi space'I've brought you some camomile tea, sir,' said Albert HMM? 'Sir?' SORRY I WAS THINKING WHAT WAS IT YOU SAID? 'Camomile tea?' I THOUGHT THAT WAS A KIND OF SOAP 'You can put it in soap or tea, sir,' said Albert He orried He was alorried when Death started to think about things It was the wrong job for thinking about things And he thought about the way HOW VERY USEFUL CLEAN INSIDE AND OUT Death put his chin on his hands again 'Sir?' said Albert, after a while HMM? 'It'll get cold if you leave it' ALBERT'Yessir?' I HAVE BEEN WONDERING'Sir?' WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? SERIOUSLY? WHEN YOU GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT? 'Oh Er Couldn't really say, sir' I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, ALBERT YOU KNOW THAT NOW I KNOW WHAT SHE MEANT NOT JUST ABOUT THE KNEES 'Who, Sir?' There was no reply Albert looked back when he'd reached the door Death was staring into space again No-one could stare quite like his that she kept seeing that were more of a worry There were the dreams They were only dreams, of course Susan knew that es thrown up while the brain was filing the day's events She would have beenwhite horses, huge dark rooms and lots of skulls At least they were only dreas For exae woht Rebecca Snell put a tooth under the pillow Susan had watched her coh the openand stand by the bed She looked a bit like a h she had walked through the furniture There had been the jingle of coins Next one and Rebecca was richer by one 50-pence coin Susan hated that sort of thing She knew that mentally unstable people told children about the Tooth Fairy, but that was no reason for one to exist It suggested woolly thinking She disliked woolly thinking, which in any case was a ime of Miss Butts It was not, otherwise, a particularly bad one Miss Eulalie Butts and her colleague, Miss Delcross, had founded the college on the astonishing idea that, since gels had nothing much to do until someonethings There were plenty of schools in the world, but they were all run either by the various churches or by the Guilds Miss Butts objected to churches on logical grounds and deplored

the fact that the only Guilds that considered girls worth educating were the Thieves and the Seaerous world out there, and a gel could do worse than face it with a sound knowledge of geometry and astronomy under her bodice For Miss Butts sincerely believed that there were no basic differences between boys and gels At least, none worth talking about None that Miss Butts would talk about, anyway And therefore she believed in encouraging logical thought and a healthy enquiringwomen in her care, a course of action which is, as far as wisdo in a cardboard boat during the sinking season For exa, on the perils to be found outside in the town, three hundred healthy enquiring minds decided that 1) they should be saht wondered[2] exactly how Miss Butt knew about therounds looked siono, calisthenics and cold baths Miss Butts couldAnyway, that was the incident of the ht visitor After a while, Susan considered that she ical explanation And Susan was good at those Everyone, they say, is looking for soo The farht hi off across the fields He looked at the signpost One arm pointed to Quirh to know that Ankh-Morpork was a big city, but built on loam and therefore of no interest to the druids in his fae It probably wasn't veryabout Quirm, except that it was on the coast The road to Quirm didn't look very worn, while the one to Ankh-Morpork was heavily rutted It'd be sensible to go to Quiret the feel of city life It'd be sensible to learn a bit about how city people thought before heading for Ankh-Morpork, which they said was the largest city in the world It'd be sensible to get some kind of job in Quirm and raise a bit of extra cash It'd be sensible to learn to walk before he started to run Cos, so he marched off firmly towards Ankh-Morpork As far as looks were concerned, Susan had always put people inthe tiels in a loose navy-blue woollen smock that stretched from neck to just above the ankle - practical, healthy and as attractive as a plank The waistline was so to fill it out, however, in accordance with the ancient rules hesitantly and erratically alluded to by Miss Delcross in Biology and Hygiene Gels left her class with the vague feeling that they were supposed tothat the cardboard skeleton on the hook in the corner looked like someone she'd known) It was her hair that made people stop and turn to watch her It was pure white, except for a black streak School regulations required that it be in two plait's, but it had an uncanny tendency to unravel itself and spring back into its preferred shape, like Medusa's snakes2 And then there was the birthmark, if that's what it was It only showed up if she blushed, when three faint pale lines appeared across her cheek and h she'd been slapped On the occasions when she was angry - and she was quite often angry, at the sheer stupidity of the world - they glowed In theory it was, around now, Literature Susan hated Literature She'd much prefer to read a

good book Currently she had Wold's Logic and Paradox open on her desk and was reading it with her chin in her hands She listened with half an ear to what the rest of the class was doing It was a poem about daffodils Apparently the poet had liked them very much Susan was quite stoical about this It was a free country People could like daffodils if they wanted to They just should not, in Susan's very definite and precise opinion, be allowed to take up ot on with her education In her opinion, school kept on trying to interfere with it Around her, the poet's vision was taken apart with inexpert tools The kitchen was built on the saantuan lines as the rest of the house An aret lost in it The far walls were hidden in the shadows and the stovepipe, supported at intervals by soot-covered chains and bits of greasy rope, disappeared into the gloom somewhere a quarter of a mile above the floor At least, it did to the eye of the outsider Albert spent his tih to contain the dresser, the table and the stove And a rocking chair 'When a et right down to it?” he's in a bad way,' he said, rolling a cigarette 'So I don't knohat it ain' The room's only other occupant nodded His hter,' said Albert 'I hter? And then he heard about apprentices Nothing would do but he had to go and get one! Hah! Nothing but trouble, that was And you, too, come to think of ityou're one of his fancies No offenceto 'You worked out all right You do a good job' Another nod 'He always gets it wrong,' said Albert 'That's the trouble Like when he heard about Hogswatchnight? Re, the oak tree in a pot, the paper sausages, the pork dinner, hi IS THIS JOLLY? I ave arette to his lips It had been expertly rolled Only an expert could get a rollup so thin and yet so soggy 'It was a good brick, ot it soer on it, right enough,' said Albert 'At least, you would have done if you had a proper one He always s He can't forget' He sucked on the wretched homemade until his eyes watered “'What's it all about, seriously, when you get right down to it?”' said Albert 'Oh, dear' He glanced up at the kitchen clock, out of a special huht it 'He's normally in by this time,' he said 'I'd better do his tray Can't think what's keeping his crossed, hands on knees He kept his eyes shut in order to focus better on the Infinite, and wore nothing but a loincloth in order to show his disdain of discly things There was a wooden bowl in front of hi watched He opened one eye There was an indistinct figure sitting a few feet away Later on, he was sure that the figure had been ofsomeone He couldn't quite remember the description, but the person must certainly have had one He was aboutthis tall, and sort ofdefinitelyEXCUSE ME

'Yes, my son?' His brorinkled 'You are male, aren't you?' he added YOU TOOK A LOT OF FINDING BUT I AM GOOD AT IT 'Yes?' I AM TOLD YOU KNOW EVERYTHING The holy man opened the other eye 'The secret of existence is to disdain earthly ties, shun the chimera of material worth, and seek one-ness with the Infinite,' he said 'And keep your thieving hands offhier IT'S NOTHING SPECIAL The holy lanced around 'Don't be daft; he said 'You can't see the Infinite 'Cos it's infinite' I HAVE 'All right, what did it look like?' IT'S BLUE The holy o A quick burst of the Infinite and aboas hoas supposed to go "S black,' he er, WHEN SEEN FROM THE OUTSIDE THE NIGHT SKY IS BLACK BUT THAT IS JUST SPACE INFINITY, HOWEVER, IS BLUE 'And I suppose you knohat sound is , do you?' said the holy man nastily YES CL THE OTHER HAND MAKES THE AP 'Ah-ha, no, you're wrong there,' said the holy round He waved a skinny hand 'No sound, see?' THAT WASN'T A CLAP THAT WAS JUST A WAVE 'It was a clap I just wasn't using both hands What kind of blue, anyway?' YOU JUST WAVED I DON'T CALL THAT VERY PHILOSOPHICAL DUCK EGG The holyThey had flowers in their hair and were carrying what looked very much like a bowl of rice OR POSSIBLY EAU-DE-NIL 'Look, my son,' the holy ot all day' YES, YOU HAVE TAKE IT FROM ME 'What do you want?' WHY DO THINGS HAVE TO BE THE WAY THEY ARE? 'Well-' YOU DON'T KNOW, DO YOU? 'Not exactly The whole thing is er stared at the holythe man to feel that his head had become transparent THEN I WILL ASK YOU A SIMPLER QUESTION HOW DO HUMANS FORGET? 'Forget what?' FORGET ANYTHING EVERYTHING 'Iterit happens automatically' The prospective acolytes had turned the bend on thebowl 'Let's say this bowl is your uely 'It can only hold so s must overflow-' NO I REMEMBER EVERYTHING EVERYTHING DOORKNOBS THE PLAY OF SUNLIGHT ON HAIR THE SOUND OF LAUGHTER FOOTSTEPS EVERY LITTLE