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Corporal Carrot, Ankh-Morpork City Guard (Night Watch), sat down in his nightshirt, took up his pencil, sucked the end for a moment, and then wrote:

'Dearest Mume and Dad,

'Well here is another fine Turnup for the Books, for I have been made Corporal!! It means another Five Dollars a month plus also I have a new jerkin with, two stripes upon it as well And a new copper badge! It is a Great responsibility!! This is all because we have got new recruits because the Patrician who, as I have forreed the Watch must reflect the ethnic makeup of the City—'

Carrot paused for a moment and stared out of the sht sidling across the river Then he bent over the paper again

'—which I do not Fulley understand but ust's Cosmetic Factory Also, Captain Vi the Watch to get married and Become a Fine Gentleht ht et hiht one of those new Watches that don't need deo and we could inscribe on the back so like “A Watch from, your Old Freinds in the Watch”, this is a pune or Play on Words We do not knoill be the new Captain, Sgt Colon says he will Resign if it's him, Cpl Nobbs—'

Carrot stared out of theagain His big honest forehead wrinkled with effort as he tried to think of so positive to say about Corporal Nobbs

'—is more suited in his current Roll, and I have not been in the Watch long enough So we shall just have to wait and See—'

It began, asround so thick that it poured into the grave and the coffin was lowered into cloud

A sy diseases that it was surrounded by a cloud of dust, watched impassively from the mound of earth

Various elderly female relatives cried But Edward d'Eath didn't cry, for three reasons He was the eldest son, the thirty-seventh Lord d'Eath, and it was Not Done for a d'Eath to cry; he was – just, the diploma still had the crackle in it – an Assassin, and Assassins didn't cry at a death, otherwise they'd never be stopping; and he was angry In fact, he was enraged

Enraged at having to borrow ed at the weather, at this coround noise of the city didn't change in any way, even on such an occasion as this Enraged at history It was never meant to be like this

It shouldn't have been like this

He looked across the river to the brooding bulk of the Palace, and his anger screwed itself up and became a lens

Edward had been sent to the Assassins' Guild because they had the best school for those whose social rank is rather higher than their intelligence If he'd been trained as a Fool, he'd have invented satire and erous jokes about the Patrician If he'd been trained as a Thief,[1] he'd have broken into the Palace and stolen so very valuable from the Patrician

Howeverhe'd been sent to the Assassins