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Prologue
AJ
AJ was a smart boy He was only five years old but knew the value of a secret
He didn't like keeping secrets from his mum, and when he asked her if it was okay to lie, she told him it was never okay to be dishonest
It didn't make sense
AJ had heard his mother lie before
Why was she able to lie when he wasn't?
His mother explained that so sad, and these were called “little white lies”
AJ thought about this
His secret would hurt his ht
Keeping his secret was more a “little white lie” As his mother tucked him in to bed, he smiled up at her "I love you," he told her, and he meant it
His mother's smile softened "I love you ers through his messy hair
She blew hiht and closing the door behind her
AJ lay in his bed, awake and waiting
He wasn't sure how long he waited, but when he heard therattle then lift in excruciating slowness, he smiled excitedly
His little white lie was here
Daddy was home
Lexi
“Mummy?”
I heard him How could I not?
But I continued to drive in silence I wasn’t really in the mood for conversation; however, the little monster in the back seat had other ideas
My chest felt heavy, weighed down
What a day
Everything felt tight My insides, htly fixated on the road But that wasn’t AJ’s fault, and I wouldn’t let hi on the inside
A sigh left me
Daddy Day was never a good day for me
“Yeah, honey?”
He didn’t answer for a long while, and when a frown tipped h the rearview
My heart ached as I looked into his soft brown eyes
His father’s eyes
Well, shit
My nose began to tingle And just like that, fresh tears rolled down my cheeks I swiped at the in vain to quell the fa of sadness
Jesus Christ Get a grip
My son, he didn’t like to see me upset His voice was little over a whisper and near desperate “Don’t cry, Mummy” His voice steeled, and he muttered, “I don’t like it”
I heard his daddy in those hardened words
Ugh He was killing me
We drew to a stop at a set of traffic lights and I tooka s “Sorry, bud”
It was his father’s birthday, and ere driving ho white marble headstone, it took me back to a ti That tio, yet so vividly fresh in my memories No matter how much time passed, I was stuck there, in that time In a place where I ild and careless and in the arms of the man I loved
Make no erously in love
Recklessly in love
The lights turned green and I twisted back, driving on, once again gripping the steering wheel like a lifeline We were halfway ho on autopilot, not at all paying any attention to s
My heart lurched in apprehension I sed hard and shook my head in a poor attempt to snap myself out of my stupor
Maybe conversation wasn’t such a bad idea after all “How about we go to the grocery store, get a bunch of junk food, and watch a ht?”
The wide senuine then There was only one les, and drawings crafted with crayon and love
AJ smiled, my toothless monster, but as quickly as it came, it went “What day is it?”
I stalled
Umm
I couldn’t help hter
What a question?
Amused bewilderment stunned e to laugh again “Sunday”
He blinked down at his lap before looking back atout the“No, thank you”
Confusion marred my brow
Huh?
He was passing up junk food? Since when?
I didn’t want to push, but I was slow to realize I needed time
withto have to sweeten the pot “Maybe we could stay up really late, sleep in, and then go out for pancakes tomorrow”
Ooh I smiled inwardly
He looked tempted
“What about school?”
Did he even knowschool to bond with et about it I’ll tell them you’re sick”
“That’s a lie” He peered at aze “And I like school”
“Just a little lie” My san to droop “A white lie”
Wait Was I really explaining myself to a five-year-old?
What was going on here? AJ wasn’t acting like himself
After a nized how selfish I was being He was just a little boy, and perhaps today was harder for hiure out exactly what he’d lost in losing his father
Chances were, even though I needed a distraction,And my chest ached
Could he beas I was?
I sighed inwardly and my smile turned sad “That’s okay, honey Next ti of disconnection between us
And then ere home
I pulled into the drive and turned off the car Before I got out, I turned in my seat to look back at my sweet boy
“Hey,” I started, and when he looked up , dark lashes, I melted “I know today wasn’t easy” I put my hand on his knee “Are you okay?”
He was stoic a long moment, ave him time and a full minute went by before he dipped his chin, and carefully uttered, “If so a secret and I want to tell someone else, is that okay?”
I thought about AJ’s little friends, and asked, “Is the secret hurting anybody?”
AJ thought about it “No I don’t think so”
“Honey, when somebody tells you a secret, it’s not your secret to tell And when so you to keep that for theers down the side of his face “You sure this secret isn’t hurting anybody?”