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Scarlet

For as long as I can remember, there’s been an enore it, the deeper it sets intodown, deep down, until it becomes part ofHaving to give up my drea up with an addict for athe one who found her cold, stiff body after an overdose

But I felt it before then, and sometimes I wonder if the emptiness isn’t empty at all Maybe it’s darkness, and it’s always been a part of me And when you have darkness inside of you, you have two choices: hate yourself for it or embrace it

I chose the latter

The bathroom door closes with a heavy thud, and I step up to theout cherry red lipstick from my purse I carefully apply it, fluffthe tiny bit of judg’s been broken for years anyway

I close es fro coh It doesn’t take much to make myself cry fake tears If my cards had been dealt a different way, I’d be one hell of an actress

Fake crying? No problem

Real crying? I haven’t done in years Cryingisn’t a luxury I can afford My life is such a mess that if I stopped and looked at it—really looked at it—I’d be a blubbering fool

Tears well inback out to the bar It’s a little after noon on a Tuesday, and the bar just opened up It’s inside a swanky hotel, and I can afford exactly half a watered-dohiskey here

Spotting et, I take a seat at the bar and order a vodka tonic with top-shelf liquor I’ cocky, perhaps, but I didn’t wear this unco today

I slowly sipback on the bar stool I squeeze lass down, I angrily wipe the my head

“Excuseover He extends a designerhis Rolex at the sa like yourself cry?”