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I knew I needed to get off the couch
It was just that getting off the couch seemed to require about a thousand more muscles than I had ever possessed
Not to mention motivation
I slurey ceiling It was a slightly less depressing sight than the , half-eaten carton of dulce de leche ice cream on the coffee table, or the many used tissues at reet h to see myself in the mirror over the mantel
I couldn’t stop thinking about Hunter
His face e had last spoken, so cold, so uncaring, so carved froain—
No, no, no! I wasn’t going to do this I wasn’t going toMaybe I couldn’t suet off this daet about Hunter Knox and my stupid, stupid mistake
Somehow
Alcohol was right out of the question; even the shittiest liquor just conjured up the taste of Knox bourbon in ar wasn’t doing such a hot job either, not that I hadn’t tried several variations on that: in addition to the ice creae sported stale donuts, brownies, a e), and a churro I’d bought last week that was now so tough that I probably could have repurposed it as a chew toy for a pit bull
I should probably throw it all away
But that wouldoff this couch
And what use were ‘should’s, anyway? I should have never gotten drunk at that party I should never have spoken to Chuck I should have told Hunter right away, so he wouldn’t be blindsided, so he would have had tiive me
Should, should, should
It was all so fking useless Like me
After the failure of alcohol and sugar, my next step had been to buy a handful of the supermarket tabloids with the silliest headlines I could find WOMAN GIVES BIRTH TO BAT-APE HYBRID and ALIEN ARTIFACT REAWAKENS ELVIS and all that; Paige and I used to steal these froh ourselves silly Mom would’ve died if she’d found out
I picked up one of them half-heartedly, but its headlines were all celebrity hook-ups and break-ups—MADONNA SPOTTED IN SIZZLING ROMANCE WITH MEMBER OF SICILIAN MAFIA??, THE PRESIDENT’S SHOCKING SECRET, JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT TEARFULLY ADMITS HER HOARDING PROBLEM CAUSED WRECK OF HER MARRIAGE—and all they did to my stupid brain was remind me of my own hook-up and break-up, and how no one would ever really care about it the way millions of people apparently cared about these ones No one would care about it except me