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My mother was a nurse My father was a doctor My brother was a doctor, and my sister was a nurse

They couldn’t see past the fact that I was happy They could only see thedown the drain to be a SWAT officer

Not to mention they were hardcore Democrats, and I was most definitely not

My mind, however, screeched to a halt as I saw her

Nikki

She had long, rich brown hair, beautiful brown eyes, and stunning caramel skin

Today, she was in her scrubs

A dark gray color that, although it should look incredibly ugly, didn’t

She was a phlebotomist and on the IV team A licensed para IVs throughout the hospital, but mostly stayed down in the ER where she was needed the most

She was also studying to be a midwife, and from what I’d learned from Nico, her brother and another

I was in love with the woman

No if’s, and’s, or but’s

So in love with her that I could barely be around her

She was in love with me, too…or had been e’d first met

But I’d ruined that, like I always ruined every-fucking-thing

See, I was an asshole

A diagnosed asshole, but an asshole nonetheless

I was bi-polar

I take iously

Yet, there were times…like when I told Nikki that I didn’t want to have kids with her… that the asshole slipped through, and took hold of innocent people, tearing apart relationships as collateral dae

I’d not meant it to come out that way

I’d actually meant it to come out the opposite way entirely

I didn’t want to have kids fathered by me

I didn’t want my children to suffer from what I had

Being bi-polar was only the tip of the iceberg

I battled with depression during the winter months

I had ADD

And swear to Christ I didn’t want to put a kid through that

I was a prime example of a person that shouldn’t have kids

But I was Nikki’s, even if Nikki wasn’t mine At least not anymore

She would forever have my heart, but I’d never hold hers

It was better this way

I was so fucked up that I literally couldn’t handle anymore

And I didn’t want a woman like Nikki, someone so pure of heart, to have to deal with my shit Because there sure the fuck was a lot of it

Watching her until she went inside, I finally pulled out of the parking lot and responded to the suspected double homicide

And once again it reemphasized the fact that some people really shouldn’t have kids

Pulling into the yard that housed a double wide trailer, I walked up to the front door where an elderly couple was standing