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Chapter One

Fear yanks ht in a rooital alarht My breath co The last reainst h to fill me with terror, and yet so insubstantial that it evaporates like rasp it

I do not knohat frightened me I only know that I am alone, and that I am scared

Alone?

I turn swiftly in bed, shifting ers brush the cool, expensive sheets, I know that he is not there

I ain, I have awakened alone

At least now I know the source of the nightht for weeks The fear I try to hide beneath a plastic smile as I sit beside Dao over his defense in meticulous detail As they explain the procedural ins-and-outs of ahiht into the dark corners of his childhood because they know, as I do, that those secrets are his salvation

But Daainst this pervasive fear that I will lose him That he will be taken from me

And not just fear I’ knowledge that there isn’t a godda except wait and watch and hope

But I do not like waiting, and I have never put my faith in hope It is a cousin of fate, and both are too mercurial for my taste What I crave is action, but the only one who can act is Damien, and he has steadfastly refused

And that, I think, is the worst cut of all Because while I understand the reason for his silence, I can’t quell the selfish spark of anger Because at the core of it all, it’s not just hi It’s me Hell, it’s us

We are running out of tiin only a few hours froes his mind about his defense, it is very likely that I will lose this man

I squeezethe tears to reer is like a living thing, and I am afraid that it will explode no matter how hard I try to quell it For thatit will make the ultimate explosion all the more brutal

When the indict that he was protecting —and I’d flown all the way to Germany to tell him so I’ve been here for over three weeks now, and there has not been a day when I have regretted co, and I do not doubt that what he said when I arrived on his doorstep is true—he loves me

But that knowledge doesn’t soothe the sense of foreboding that has been rising within ht when I wake alone and know that he has turned to solitude and Scotch when I want him in my arms He lovessteps, but in little ones