Page 17 (1/2)

DAY ONE

THURSDAY

“Is that how you greet your new ruler?

With a pistol and a sassy catchphrase?”

—Princess A”

PRINCESS AMARA IS DEAD

In a perfect universe, I wouldn’t care My character dies a noble and brilliant death at the end of Starfield, when she rams her spaceship into the Black Nebula (which is more like a black hole, but whatever) to save her one true love, the dreamy Federation Prince Carmindor

In a perfect universe, I would’ve cashed board to , roles that tell invaluable stories, that aren’tin heels

In a perfect universe, I would be happy

But this universe is not perfect and neither ah I’ve tried to be I’ve tried so, so hard And it all

Because today I ivable mistakes

The first one:

During a presser (a presser is basically a marathon of filmed intervieith different media outlets back to back to back…I can usually endure them for hours, but these nerd ones are a different beast entirely How I long for questions about Darien Freelittery pumps), held in a small room in a hotel, I accidentally let this slip:

“I certainly hope Amara doesn’t come back”

Which, I know

Bad answer

The interviewer had been co and prodding at our airtight answers until so me a headache

So of course it was me who slipped first

I wasn’t paying attention For hours Dare—Darien Free the interviewers He lived and breathed Starfield—he was a fanboy before he became Prince Carmindor, and that’s stellar publicity The world eats it up It’s adorable

What’s decidedly less adorable is Princess Airl who’s never even seen the show

I don’t ood press fodder

Or, at least, I didn’t think I did

The interviewer’s eyes widened behind her candy-apple-red glasses She was petite and blond, stylish in a ’60s pinup e of the Nerds sort of way “But thousands of fans would love to see you back! And your character, too Have you heard of the SaveAmara initiative?”

I shook my head

Dare ju created to rally the fandom and save the princess from her fate”

The interviewer nodded enthusiastically “The user who created it claims that Amara deserved better, especially in this reboot She deserved to live, not to be fridged for Prince Carmindor’s character development”

“Oh”

It was all I could say

I curled ain Another Instagram comment Or Twitter I wished it was neither

The intervieent on “Natalia Ford, the actress who originally played Amara, whose shoes you stepped into, has already voiced solidarity for thea lot of older fans She has also recently criticized your interpretation of A that you don’t embody the spirit of the character Does that bother you?”

For other people to not like you? The fandom to not like you? That’s what she didn’t say, but I saw it in her eyes I was surprised, really, that it had taken this long for an interviewer to bring it up

I’irl in Hollywood, I wanted to tell her I’m either too fat or too skinny or too pretty or not pretty enough Nothing bothers me

But that would’ve been a lie, as evidenced by rip on my phone

“Erin, right?” I said, when I should’ve not taken the bait But I was too tired to stop, and I wasn’t paying attention to Dare’s signals to shut up If you know anything about my overly enthusiastic costar, it’s that he’s never subtle about anything I just didn’t care “Tell me, Erin, what has Natalia Ford done since she played Ao? Another one-off Starfield special? Ms Ford doesn’t have a career I do, in spite of what everyone says That’s all that matters—”

“I must be early,” a calm voice interrupted “That tends to happen to people without careers”

My blood ran cold

In the doorway stood a woray hair pulled back into a bun Her face was heart shaped, eyebrows dark and severe, her lips pursed Though she was short, standing in that doorway she commanded the rooalaxies and starlight, and she was still the princess of the universe In her arms sat a hairless cat who surveyed the roo almost as dour as his owner

So, yeah,Natalia Ford

And my third mistake?

Well

After that disaster of an interview, I needed to take a breath Dare warned me that we had to be at a panel in ten minutes It felt like every one of my days at this loud overcrowded convention was planned down to the second, squeezing as much of Jessica Stone out of my appearance as possible But I needed quiet I needed to breathe

So I excused myself to the restroom to collect one to the bathrooht onto that stupid panel—

My phone dings, wrenching me out of my panic spiral It is Ethan Tanaka,truthful)

ETHAN TANAKA (3:03 PM)

—[pic]

—THIS ISN’T YOU

—WHERE ARE YOU

—JESS

—JESSICA

Pulling downunnoticed, I elboay into the ballroom, where the Starfield panel has already started The one I’hts are off and the audience is quiet—such a drastic shift fro noise of the hundreds if not thousands of people in the Marriott hotel lobby My ears are ringing with the silence; I can’t even hear myself think

My eyes slowly adjust as I gaze over a sea of anxious fans, panic prickling at my skin

“I’e, but it isn’t me

This isn’t happening

This is impossible

I stare at the girl sitting between Dare and Calvin There, inShe’s exactly where I’m supposed to be Where I need to be But instead I’hts are on her

And tohorror, no one seems to realize that she isn’t me

I MUST BE DREAMING

That’s all there is to it I’ to turn into Daleks and ANNIHILATE me and I’ll have to run aith sexy David Tennant and help fight the Borg in a netherverse and duel against Sith Lords bent on conquering the e and—

Whoa, I’et here? On a Starfield panel when I am most definitely, one hundred and ten percent not Jessica Stone? Well, lucky for you, I can totally, absolutely explain this

Yep I can definitely explain this

I can…mostly explain this?

Okay, you got me I can basically explain only ten percent of this and none of it is my fault

Well, maybe a little of it

Oh, starflame, I’m dead

Dead dead

Like, I-a-as-a-famous-actress-and-will-be-found-out dead

I stare out at the crowd in the largest room of the entire con Thereback atrooh cons and sit through enough panels, you just know You know that there are six thousand eyes staring at you like you’re so in their chairs, the s and distinct, it reminds me of a thirteen-year-old boy’s bedroom

I should know—thirteen was a rough year for et that smell

Just like you never forget the sight of this stage fro, set up with a white table draped in a cloth bearing the ExcelsiCon logo There are three microphones for the five people on the panel, and paper nah how can you not knoho they are?)

No one notices that I’irl whose name is on the card in front of me They don’t realize that I am not Jessica Stone At least not yet Because as the actors of Starfield—the same Starfield I saw fourteen tie of honor)—go down the line introducing themselves, none of them calls me out

They don’t notice

I et the occasional “You knoho you look like?” froers who feel the need to tell me that I look like Jessica Stone And since Starfield came out, I’ve been stopped in Starbucks more times than I’m comfortable with Which, come to think of it, is probably one of the major reasons I dyed my hair last weekend and basically killed my entire bathroom with neon pink But you can’t see my hair under my black space queen beanie—the same one Jessica Stone had on in the bathroo down so harshly, I probably look more like Jessica Stone than usual ;DAY ONE