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MARK WAS ELEVEN AND HAD BEEN SMOKING OFF AND ON for two years, never trying to quit but being careful not to get hooked He preferred Kools, his ex-father's brand, but his inia Slie week pilfer ten or twelve from her She was a busy woman with many problems, perhaps a little naive when it came to her boys, and she never dreae of eleven
Occasionally Kevin, the delinquent two streets over, would sell Mark a pack of stolen Marlboros for a dollar But for the arettes
He had four of them in his pocket that afternoon as he led his brother, Ricky, age eight, down the path into the woods behind their trailer park Ricky was nervous about this, his first sarettes in a shoebox under his bed day before, and threatened to tell all if his big brother didn't show hi the wooded trail, headed for one of Mark's secret spots where he'd spent s
Most of the other kids in the neighborhood were into beer and pot, two vices Mark was determined to avoid Their ex-father was an alcoholic who'd beaten both boys and their s always followed his nasty bouts with beer Mark had seen and felt the effects of alcohol He was also afraid of drugs
"Are you lost?" Ricky asked just like a little brother as they left the trail and waded through chest-high weeds
"Just shut up," Mark said without slowing The only time their father had spent at hoone now, thank heavens For five years Mark had been in charge of Ricky He felt like an eleven-year-old father He'd taught him how to throw a football and ride a bike He'd explained what he knew about sex He'd warned his, and protected him from bullies And he felt terrible about this introduction to vice But it was just a cigarette It could be e tree with a rope hanging fro, and beyond it an overgrown dirt road disappeared over a hill A highway could be heard in the distance
Mark stopped and pointed to a log near the rope "Sit there," he instructed, and Ricky obediently backed onto the log and glanced around anxiously as if the police eant while picking a cigarette froht thuer, and tried to be casual about it
"You know the rules," he said, looking down at Ricky There were only two rules, and they had discussed the the day, and Ricky was frustrated at being treated like a child He rolled his eyes away and said, "Yeah, if I tell anyone, you'll beat ht" Ricky folded his arht If I catch you s more than that, then you're in trouble And if I find out you're drinking beer or s, then-" "I know, I know You'll beat ht" "How many do you smoke a day?" "Only one," Mark lied So on supply He stuck the filter between his lips like a gangster
"Will one a day kill me?" Ricky asked
Mark rearette from his lips "Not anytime soon One a day is pretty safe More than that, and you could be-in trouble" "How many does Mom smoke a day?" "Two packs" "Howtrouble" "Moot all kinds of troubles I don't think she's worried about cigarettes" "How many does Dad srinned slightly "Then he's gonna die soon, right?" "I hope so Between staying drunk and chainsht the new one with the old one I wish he'd slanced toward the s and the dirt road It was shady and cool under the tree, but beyond the liht Mark pinched the filter with his thuer and sort of waved it before hisbrothers can
"No" "I think you are Look, hold it like this, okay?" He waved it closer, then with great drama withdrew it and stuck it between his lips Ricky watched intently
Mark lit the cigarette, puffed a tiny cloud of smoke, then held it and admired it "Don't try to s the smoke You're not ready for that yet Just suck a little then blow the smoke out Are you ready?" "Will it make me sick?" "It will if you s the ss and puffed for effect "See It's really easy I'll teach you how to inhale later" "Okay" Ricky nervously reached out with his thuarette carefully between them "Go ahead" Ricky eased the wet filter to his lips His hand shook and he took a short drag and blew sot past his front teeth Another drag Mark watched carefully, hoping he would choke and cough and turn blue, then get sick and never sain
"It's easy," Ricky said proudly as he held the cigarette and ad
"It's no big deal" "Tastes kind of funny" "Yeah, yeah" Mark sat next toand picked another one from his pocket Ricky puffed rapidly Mark lit his, and they sat in silence under the tree enjoying a quiet smoke
"This is fun," Ricky said, nibbling at the filter
"Great Then why are your hands shaking?" "They're not" "Sure" Ricky ignored this He leaned forith his elbows on his knees, took a longer drag, then spat in the dirt like he'd seen Kevin and the big boys do behind the trailer park This was easy
Mark opened hisHe thought this would really i failed to forray smoke dissipated
"I think you're too young to smoke," he said
Ricky was busy puffing and spitting, and thoroughly enjoying this giant step toward manhood "How old were you when you started?" he asked
"Nine But I was more mature than you" "You always say that" "That's because it's always true" They sat next to each other on the log under the tree, s beyond the shade Mark was in fact ht He was e He'd always been mature He had hit his father with a baseball bat when he was seven The aftermath had not been pretty, but the drunken idiot had stopped beating their s, and Dianne Sway had sought refuge and advice from her eldest son They had consoled each other and conspired to survive They aiter s They had plotted ways to protect Ricky When he was nine, Mark convinced her to file for divorce He had called the cops when his father showed up drunk after being served with divorce papers He had testified in court about the abuse and neglect and beatings He was very mature
Ricky heard the car first There was a low, rushing sound co fro "Just sit still," Mark said softly They did not move
A long black, shiny Lincoln appeared over the slight hill and eased toward theh as the front buround and covered it with his shoe Ricky did the same
The car slowed al, then circled around, touching the tree limbs as it moved slowly It stopped and faced the road The boys were directly behind it and hidden froh the weeds to a row of brush at the edge of the clearing Ricky followed The rear of the Lincoln was thirty feet away They watched it carefully It had Louisiana license plates
"What's he doing?" Ricky whispered
Mark peeked through the weeds "Shhhhh!" He had heard stories around the trailer park of teenagers using these woods toto a teenager The engine quit, and the car just sat there in the weeds for a minute Then the door opened, and the driver stepped into the weeds and looked around He was a chubby man in a black suit His head was fat and round and without hair except for neat rows above the ears and a black-and-gray beard He stumbled to the rear of the car and opened the trunk He removed a water hose, stuck one end into the exhaust pipe, and ran the other end through a crack in the left rearHe closed the trunk, looked around again as if he were expecting to be watched, then disappeared into the car
The engine started
"Wow," Mark said softly, staring blankly at the car
"What's he doing?" Ricky asked
"He's trying to kill himself" Ricky raised his head a few inches for a better view "I don't understand, Mark" "Keep down You see the hose, right? The fuo into the car, and it kills hiuy do it like this in a movie once" They leaned closer to the weeds and stared at the hose running froine idled smoothly
"Why does he want to kill himself?" Ricky asked
"How a" "Yeah, let's get the hell outta here" "No Just be still a , Mark You can watch hirabbed his brother's shoulder and forced hi was heavy and they were both sweating The sun hid behind a cloud
"How long does it take?" Ricky asked, his voice quivering
ivjuiiR iweaseci ms brother and eased onto all fours "You stay here, okay If you , Mark?" "Just stay here I round and crawled on elbows and knees through the weeds toward the car The grass was dry and at least two feet tall He knew the man couldn't hear him, but he worried about the movement of the weeds He stayed directly behind the car and slid snake-like on his belly until he was in the shadow of the trunk He reached and carefully eased the hose froround He retraced his trail with a bit more speed, and seconds later was crouched next to Ricky, watching and waiting in the heavier grass and brush under the outermost limbs of the tree He knew that if they were spotted, they could dart past the tree and down their trail and be gone before the chubby man could catch them
They waited Five h it seemed like an hour
"You think he's dead?" Ricky whispered, his voice dry and weak
"I don't know" Suddenly, the door opened, and the ered to the rear of the car, where he saw the hose in the grass, and cursed it as he shoved it back into the tail pipe He held a bottle of whiskey and looked around wildly at the trees, then stumbled back into the car He mumbled to himself as he slammed the door
The boys watched in horror
"He's crazy as hell," Mark said faintly
"Let's get out of here," Ricky said
we canknew about it, then we could get in all kinds of trouble" Ricky raised his head as if to retreat "Then on't tell anybody Coain and forced hi until I say we're leaving!" Ricky closed his eyes tightly and started crying Mark shook his head in disgust but didn't take his eyes off the car Little brothers were rowled through clenched teeth
"I'm scared" "Fine Just don't " Mark was back on his elbows, deep in the weeds and preparing to ease through the tall grass once more
"Just let him die, Mark," Ricky whispered between sobs
Mark glared at him over his shoulder and eased toward the car, which was still running He crawled along his sarass so slowly and carefully that even Ricky, with dry eyes now, could barely see hi for it to fly open and the crazy e out and kill Mark He perched on his toes in a sprinter's stance for a quick getaway through the woods He saw Mark ee under the rear buht, and slowly ease the hose frorass crackled softly and the weeds shook a little and Mark was next to hi to himself
They sat on their legs like two insects under the brush, and watched the car
"What if he coain?" Ricky asked "What if he sees us?" "He can't see us But if he starts this way, just follow o now?" Mark stared at hi to save his "life, okay? Maybe, just , andWhy is that so hard to understand?" "Because he's crazy If he'll kill himself, then he'll kill us Why is that so hard to understand?" Mark shook his head in frustration, and suddenly the door opened again Theto hirabbed the end of the hose, stared at it as if it just wouldn't behave, and looked slowly around the s He looked at the trees, and the boys eased to the ground He looked down, and froze as if he suddenly understood The grass was slightly trampled around the rear of the car and he knelt as if to inspect it, but then crammed the hose back into the tail pipe instead and hurried back to his door If so from the trees, he seemed not to care He just wanted to hurry up and die
The two heads rose together above the brush, but just a few inches They peeked through the weeds for a
"Mark, please, let's go," Ricky pleaded "He al?" "If he had a gun, he'd use it on hiain He had never won an argument with his brother, and he would not win this one
Another et "I'll try one et outta here I promise, okay?" Ricky nodded reluctantly His brother stretched on his storass Ricky wiped the tears froers
THE LAWYER'S NOSTRILS FLARED AS HE INHALED MIGHTILY He exhaled slowly and stared through the windshield while trying to deteras had entered his blood and begun its work A loaded pistol was on the seat next to him A half-empty fifth of Jack Daniel's was in his hand He took a sip, screwed the cap on it, and placed it on the seat He inhaled slowly and closed his eyes to savor the gas Would he simply drift away? Would it hurt or burn or make him sick before it finished hi wheel, next to a bottle of pills
He cried and talked to hias to hurry, daun He was a coward, but a very deter away to sticking a gun in his mouth
He sipped the whiskey, and hissed as it burned on its descent Yes, it was finally working Soon, it would all be over, and he s and he was dying and he was not a coward after all It took guts to do this
He cried and muttered as he reulped, and it ran from his lips and trickled into his beard
He would not be ht should have been painful, the laas calrieve His mother was the only person in the world who loved him, and she'd been dead four years so this would not hurt her There was a child frohter he'd not seen in eleven years, but he'd been told she had joined a cult and was as crazy as her mother
It would be a se or tould be there all dressed up in dark suits and whispering ian music drifted around the near-elance at their watches while the h the standard comments used for dear departed ones who never went to church
It would be a ten-minute job with no frills The note on the dash required the body to be cremated
"Wow," he said softly as he took another sip He turned the bottle up, and while gulping glanced in the rearview mirror and saw the weeds move behind the car